Why does my anxiety keep coming back?

Anxiety is a normal human response. It becomes a problem when it starts deciding what you can and can't do.

How the cycle works

It usually starts with a situation: a meeting, a phone call, a busy shop, a text you haven't answered. A thought arrives, often a "what if". What if I make a fool of myself? What if something's wrong?

Your body responds to that thought as if it were a real threat. Your heart speeds up, your chest tightens, your stomach churns. This is the body's alarm system doing its job, just at the wrong moment.

Then comes the part that keeps it all going. You cancel, leave early, put it off, or ask someone else to do it. The relief is immediate, and that relief teaches your brain that the situation really was dangerous. Next time, the fear arrives sooner and feels bigger.

Signs the cycle has taken hold

• You plan your days around avoiding certain places, people or tasks
• You check, reassure yourself or ask others for reassurance, again and again
• Your world feels smaller than it used to
• You feel tense or on edge most of the time, even when nothing is happening
• Sleep is broken because your mind won't switch off

You don't need all of these, or a diagnosis, for it to be worth talking to someone.

What helps

The cycle loosens when avoidance stops doing the work. That doesn't mean forcing yourself into the hardest situation. It means small, planned steps towards the things you've been avoiding, staying long enough for the alarm to settle on its own.

It also helps to notice the "what if" thoughts and question them. How likely is it, really? What would you say to a friend who thought this?

Slowing your breathing, especially making the out-breath longer than the in-breath, can calm the body alarm enough for you to think straight.

How counselling helps

In sessions, we map your own version of the cycle: what sets it off, what you tell yourself, and what you do to get away from it. I often draw on CBT for this, alongside person-centred work, so there's room to talk about where the anxiety comes from as well as what to do about it. We go at a pace that feels manageable.

Counselling isn't a medical treatment, and I can't promise how quickly things will change. If anxiety is affecting your physical health, or you think medication might help, speak to your GP as well.

Talk it through

I offer counselling for anxiety and depression in Barnsley and online. Individual sessions are £70 for 50 minutes, in private counselling rooms in a discreet town-centre location in Barnsley with free parking, or by video or telephone.

You can start with a free 10-minute phone intro, bookable at 12:00 or 12:30, Monday to Friday, or book a first session.

Book a free 10-minute callBook a first session

Free support

NHS Talking Therapies are free, and you can usually refer yourself. If things feel urgent, you can talk to someone any time: